Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
