What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
