I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
