i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
