sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
