So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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