His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
