As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
