oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
