He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
