Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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