just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
