Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
