So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
