I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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