Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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