You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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