We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
