Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
