so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
