Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
