I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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