you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
