i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
