Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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