Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
pray to the hookup gods
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
