Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
