piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
