Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
