Will you blow on my dice?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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