If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
