Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
