This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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