the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
