something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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