I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
