you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
