sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
