my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
