you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
