He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
foreskin is a definite game changer
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
