I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
