why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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