it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
