I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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