I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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