I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I faked an abortion last night.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
