I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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