it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Non-Jews are for practice
It's Friday. Sex?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
