i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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