We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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