Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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