Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
