Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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