She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
